Kyle Hill has written up a new coroner’s report on one Bernie Lomax, 25 years deceased, based on more rigorous scientific analysis of why the guy didn’t decompose or enter rigor mortis:
Witnesses report that the body of the victim was not stiff, indeed, it was flexible enough to be carried around as if walking, dragged behind a boat, and finally flipped off a gurney to be buried in the sand by a small child. To achieve this ease of motion during the time the witnesses Wilson and Parker were in possession of the body, they could have used the same technique that butchers use to make sure recently refrigerated meat does not undergo rigor mortis. It is the opinion of this investigator that the witnesses applied alternating electric current to the body, in effect tenderizing the victim.
Sounds like a couple happy-go-lucky vacationers may have some Geneva convention violations on their hands.
(Read the whole, hilarious thing at Scientific American)
Monty Python’s John Cleese almost explains our brains. In more serious – but no less humorous – insight, see Cleese on 5 factors to make your life more creative.
It makes so much sense!
I think this would make an excellent single-serving tumblr.
“The female human melodic vocalization delivery vehicle known as ‘Taylor Swift’ continues to make questionable choices in potential mates, although she has recently made it known that she has excluded, excluded, excluded a fellow member of her vocalization pack previously in the running for genetic reproduction via a widely-heard mourning/mating call. Like, ever.”
During a large gathering of carbon-based metazoan life forms for the purpose of the stimulation of aural sensory apparatuses, a high status vertebrate announced through his voice amplification system that one or more of his gametes had successfully fertilized the egg of a female chordate of the same species, who is notable for appearing on trashy reality tv.
I like where this is headed.
“During an interrogative communication session recorded on a photonic motion-capture device beamed via long-wave electromagnetic waves to near-Earth satellites reflecting their signals to millions of pixelated image-reproduction screens, a terrestrial carbon-based life form of exceptional aerobic fitness admitted to injections of synthetic erythropoietin in order to obtain a performance advantage via increased maximum oxygen solubility during competitive displays upon dual-wheeled, mechanically-cranked transportation devices, notably in France. This multicellular organism is particularly well-regarded among his species for his fondness of yellow and overcoming metastatic neoplasia of the testicle and lungs.”
Some Budding Yeast I Used to Grow
A Gotye parody by UC Berkeley’s Nathaniel Krefman that is not only 100X less annoying than the actiual song, but could teach you some real biological vocabulary and lessons about how tiny organisms like yeast are used for genetic studies that even apply to humans.
Of course, the people who give money to scientists don’t always agree with that last part, which is what inspired this song in the first place.
DEAR SCIENCE WHAT HATH WE WROUGHT?!
Overly Honest Methods: Uncovering the hilarious truth behind how science actually gets done
Earlier this week, in a fit of comedic inspiration, a postdoc named Leigh tweeted a funny lab confession and included the hashtag #overlyhonestmethods. By the end of the day, dozens of scientists had joined in, and the result is nothing short of hilarious.
Science is an incredibly painstaking and difficult process, and in addition to being quite funny, these tweets pull back the curtain on just how human a process research really is. Some of them had me raising my eyebrows right after I finished giggling, because please tell me you didn’t actually do that. Others had me nodding sagely in agreement, because sometimes you drop a tube or run out of a chemical and the world has to keep on turning, man.