Scientists Find Thousands Of Previously Undiscovered Species Cowering In Amazon Rainforest As usual, The Onion’s best comedy is that which is just barely beyond truth. If you don’t laugh, you just may cry. “Our expedition has shown that the Amazon Rainforest is simply teeming with a multitude of creatures never before glimpsed in this region,” said lead researcher professor Courtland Gere, who personally observed a rare form of spider monkey as it huddled, shaking, inside the stump of a freshly felled tree. “Just mere minutes after our vehicles entered the forest, our team was lucky enough to hear the grief-stricken whimpers of a fascinating, previously unknown species of striped jaguar locked in the fetal position under a pile of leaves.” (via The Onion)
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Scientists Find Thousands Of Previously Undiscovered Species Cowering In Amazon Rainforest

As usual, The Onion’s best comedy is that which is just barely beyond truth. If you don’t laugh, you just may cry.

“Our expedition has shown that the Amazon Rainforest is simply teeming with a multitude of creatures never before glimpsed in this region,” said lead researcher professor Courtland Gere, who personally observed a rare form of spider monkey as it huddled, shaking, inside the stump of a freshly felled tree. “Just mere minutes after our vehicles entered the forest, our team was lucky enough to hear the grief-stricken whimpers of a fascinating, previously unknown species of striped jaguar locked in the fetal position under a pile of leaves.”

(via The Onion)

Source: The Onion

FDA Approves Sale Of Prescription Placebo - The Onion

“For years, scientists have been aware of the effectiveness of placebo in treating a surprisingly wide range of conditions,” said Dr. Jonathan Bergen of the FDA’s Center for Drug Evaluation and Research. “It was time to provide doctors with this often highly effective option.”

Oh dear … it’s funny because it’s true. Check this old post out for a fun look at placebo effects.

S&P Downgrades Planet Earth, Citing Unbalanced Carbon Budget, Reckless Political Debates and Role of “Deniers”

Chris Mooney channels his inner Onion writer:

Washington, D.C.—In a move that came as a shock both in this city and throughout the planet on which it is located, Standard & Poor’s late Monday downgraded Earth from its unique HHH rating—the only one in the galaxy—to HH .

The coveted HHH rating—meaning, “extremely habitable”—has become indefensible, the ratings agency said, due to continuing failures to balance the atmospheric carbon budget and an increasingly toxic political debate that renders better policies unlikely any time soon.

“Atmospheric carbon inputs continue to outweigh carbon outputs (or sinks), leading to a growing and unsustainable carbon ‘surplus,’” wrote S&P. “Unlike fiscal surpluses, this surplus is very dangerous and is already triggering rising temperatures, heat waves, droughts, and extreme weather patterns.”

Under the new HH rating, the Earth is still considered “highly habitable” for humans. However, S&P also changed the planet’s outlook to “negative,” suggesting the possibility of further downgrades.